All my life I’ve never been good enough, not to myself or anyone around me. It’s usually holding me to a standard I could never reach or when I did something I couldn’t appreciate the accomplishment. It’s because of how much I valued the way the people closest to me thought of me. I know I cared so much until I didn’t. Too many years wasted trying to please everyone else around me and never did I think about myself. Instead of being happy about anything I did no matter how big or small, I just had it in my mind that it wasn’t good enough or someone else could do it better. It became a depressive mind state that followed me around for the majority of my life. There are people in my life that do help create a positive thought process about myself but it takes time for it to click in my brain. I’m at a point where I know now that what I do is good enough and if I do not know how to do something then I’m willing to learn or ask for help because it doesn’t make me less of a person just because of a lack of knowledge in a certain area
I’ve gotten used to being completely invisible to the rest of the world. It’s like no one noticed me until they needed something from me or for me to do something. If I’m crying out for help I look weak until something out of the norm happens and then people question how it could ever happen. I’m so used to listening to people because when I give my responses they usually talk over me, interrupt me, or don’t listen altogether. Most of the time when they do listen to what I’ve said it’s because they’ve seen it somewhere else or heard it from someone else. I mean I’m guilty of doing this as well. So I just learned to adapt and not take it to heart, and I don’t expect anything from anyone anymore. There would be times when I am in a conversation with people and I say something with others around, I’m so comfortable with being invisible that they think I said something I shouldn’t of, but I know that no one is paying attention to anything I’m saying.