Being pushed away and forced into isolation by the ppl I’m close to including myself, especially when the world I live in makes me feel like I’m never good enough it tough, I can’t shed a tear because I’m a man, I cant complain because that makes me weak, I cant talk about it because nobody really ever listens, in my life I’ve always been alone, no matter the family and friends I’ve had around, I’ve always been by myself, when I isolate myself I feel so much more comfortable, if I chose to cry no one would judge me, if I chose to cut myself no one would miss me, but things are so much worse when its the ones closest to me that shut me out when I need them the most, promise me time that they give to someone else, and then question why I dont open up, when I let ppl in my life that’s something they’ve earned but they treat it as an opportunity to tear me down, it’s always the reaction to the way they’ve made me feel that gets the response, dont ignore me and expect me to be ok, I’ve earned your attention and time if I’ve given you mine, so if I steal and get caught just so I can see you cry when the put me in the police car dont be surprised, if I give up everything and sleep on the streets just to see you feel sorry for me dont be surprised, I just know that I’m always in last place when it comes to me no matter how hard I try, I put myself last, I put myself Last, I put myself LAST, always and constantly see everyone else put first, I can never be a priority to anyone not even myself, ppl who say they care I know they dont because the actions never line up to their words, it’s always manipulation, or a way to combat their own guilt, I promise I’ll drive my car off that bridge just to see if ppl really show up to my funeral, I hate myself just as much as everyone loves everyone else. I’m tired and tired of burying my sorrows in a bottle and my pillow because no one would ever ask if I’m ok and if they do ask all I can say is yeah I’m fine because I know they don’t care!!!!!