I honestly don’t want to get personal, but my heart is no longer whole, I don’t think I could Let her go, but I had to let her go, that way we could both grow, even if it’s down two different roads, I swim in pools filled with my tears, and when they’re dried up, I replace them with fears, beers, wine and liquor, then more tears, no sunshine, and lonely shivers, while the saddest slow jams rotten my brain, just to make sure I’m consistently reliving this pain, again and again, but the beat is sometimes uptempo, just like her smile, it made the world seem so simple, the light reflecting in her big eyes, and off of her soft brown skin, just helped me realize, that it’s something I will most likely never experience again, and back to depression and alcohol, with more tears under the cold shower and hugging the toilet in the bathroom stall…
I know that she’s toxic, she knows that I’m toxic, and we know we should stop it, but the strength of our hold makes it hard to drop it, from the butterflies to the broken glasses, from the scattered skies to the missed classes, I always thought no matter how bad it was, the good would get us passed this, lonely nights in the bed together, enough space to split the red river, no touching except on cell phone screens, the light so bright it interrupts my dreams, scrolling through pictures and memories of the past, things that I wasn’t involved in
Always wondering If you still think of him, and I hate how he always pops up on your Instagram, like didn’t you block your ex like you asked me to do, why do you want to make me miserable, I’m insecure but you went out of your way to make me feel worse, we all have an ego, but you made sure I saw mine drive away in the back of a Hearse, it was also the death of any of my confidence, dropping whatever I was doing just to make sure I could live up to your tolerance, and your reign of terror in my subconscious, I don’t even know the date of when I lost it, my anxiety would trigger just drinking a glass of water, and I’d start to sweat in the cold mistaken it for being hotter, my head is all over the place, but no matter how hard I tried, you told me how easily I could be replaced, my highs were constantly greeted by you with so many lows, and your highs were higher because I encouraged you to stand on your tippy toes, my love and support was needed by you, and where was my shoulder to cry on when i was lost with no clue, at the end of the day, i had to live with my pain while carrying yours, i did what i could just to see my plans and efforts fail, i guess its for the best, because im learning from these mistakes, and no more of me tucking my tail, life is better without you, even the blurry sighted can see it, no need to read it in brale, its brighter days and happier times, ive gone on long enough, and you can keep those two cents, because you’re no longer on my mind.